sexual trauma & shame
understanding sexual trauma & shame
Experiences of sexual assault, abuse, coercion or other unwanted sexual experiences can affect people in very different ways. You may notice changes in how safe you feel around sex or intimacy, find certain situations difficult, feel disconnected from your body or struggle with trust, desire, arousal or closeness. For some people the impact is immediate; for others, difficulties emerge or become clearer much later.
Shame can become closely intertwined with sexual trauma. You might blame yourself for what happened, question how you responded, feel uncomfortable with your body or sexuality, or find it difficult to talk about your experience. These feelings can be powerful, but experiencing shame does not mean that you were responsible for what happened. You also do not have to tell the whole story of a traumatic experience in order to begin talking about how it is affecting you now.
Psychosexual therapy can provide space to explore the sexual and relationship impact of trauma at a pace that feels manageable for you. The work might involve understanding what happens around intimacy, recognising situations that leave you feeling unsafe or disconnected, exploring boundaries and communication, or gradually rebuilding a sense of choice around your sexual life. Therapy should not require you to disclose details you do not want to discuss or push you towards sexual activity before you feel ready.
At The Therapy Yard, you can find psychosexual and relationship therapists who work with difficulties around sex, intimacy and relationships following traumatic or unwanted sexual experiences. Depending on what you are experiencing, psychosexual therapy may form one part of your support, and there may be circumstances where trauma-focused mental health care, medical care, safeguarding support or a specialist sexual violence service is also appropriate. Your therapist can discuss this with you and help you think about the support that best fits your circumstances.
Trusted by thousands
of clients across the UK
20,000+
Appointments
40+
Therapists
20+
Locations
10+
Languages
trusted by thousands
of clients across the UK
20,000+
Appointments
40+
Therapists
20+
Locations
10+
Languages
how can therapy help with sexual trauma & shame?
Sexual trauma can affect how safe, connected or in control you feel around sex and intimacy. Therapy can give you space to understand those experiences and their impact without requiring you to disclose details you do not want to discuss or move at a pace that does not feel manageable.
understanding what happens
You can explore what happens for you around sex, touch or intimacy, including situations that leave you feeling unsafe, disconnected or overwhelmed. Therapy can help you understand these responses without requiring you to retell everything that happened.
rebuilding choice & boundaries
Therapy can help you explore boundaries, consent and what helps you feel more in control around intimacy. The work can support you in recognising what feels comfortable, communicating your needs and developing a stronger sense of choice around sexual experiences.
sexual wellbeing & connection
You can explore shame, trust, body image and the ways trauma may have affected pleasure, desire or closeness. Therapy can support you in finding ways of approaching sexuality and intimacy that feel safer, more connected and more your own.
You can come individually or as a couple. If you are unsure which feels right, you can discuss this with your therapist.
Therapy without judgement.
Therapy without
judgement.
Whatever brings you here, you’re welcome.
You’ll find specialist therapists you can talk openly with about sex, intimacy and relationships, with warmth, respect and understanding.
No assumptions. Just understanding.
LGBTQIA+ inclusive, neurodiversity affirming, sex positive and welcoming of diverse relationships, identities and experiences.
Sex Positive. Inclusive. Specialist
Therapy without judgement.
Whatever brings you here, you’re welcome.
You’ll find specialist therapists you can talk openly with about sex, intimacy and relationships, with warmth, respect and understanding.
No assumptions. Just understanding.
LGBTQIA+ inclusive, neurodiversity affirming, sex positive and welcoming of diverse relationships, identities and experiences.
Sex Positive. Inclusive. Specialist
what can therapy help with?
Sexual trauma can affect sex, intimacy and relationships in many different ways. You may recognise some of these experiences, several of them or none at all. Therapy can focus on what is affecting you now, without assuming how you should feel or requiring you to talk about parts of your experience that you do not want to discuss. It can help you explore:
Feeling unsafe around sex or intimacy
Shame, guilt or self-blame
Difficulty with touch or closeness
Feeling disconnected during intimacy
Boundaries and communicating needs
Trust within sexual relationships
Changes in desire or arousal
Anxiety around sexual experiences
Body image and sexual confidence
Reconnecting with pleasure
Developing a sense of sexual choice
Rebuilding intimacy and connection
Feeling unsafe
Shame & self-blame
Touch & closeness
Disconnection
Boundaries
Trust
Desire & arousal
Sexual anxiety
Body confidence
Pleasure
Sexual choice
Intimacy
There is no single way that sexual trauma should affect you and no particular way you are expected to respond. Therapy can focus on the difficulties that matter to you, whether that involves shame, intimacy, sexual wellbeing, relationships or simply wanting to feel more choice around sex and closeness. The pace and focus of the work can be shaped around what feels manageable for you.
Why choose
The Therapy Yard?
specialist
therapists
Sex and relationship specialists.
therapist
matching
Help finding
the right
therapist.
intro
calls
Meet your
therapist
first.
therapy
options
Online and
in-person appointments.
flexible
times
Daytime,
evening &
weekends.
private
secure
Your personal
information
protected.
Why choose The Therapy Yard?
specialist
therapists
Psychosexual
and relationship
specialists.
therapist
matching
We will help
you find the
right therapist.
intro
calls
Get to speak
to your chosen
therapist first.
therapy
options
Online & in-person
appointments
across the UK.
flexible
times
Daytime, evening
& weekend
appointments.
private
secure
Your personal
information
is protected.
our trauma-informed therapists
Talking about the impact of an unwanted or traumatic sexual experience can feel difficult, particularly when it involves sex, intimacy, your body or relationships. Our psychosexual and relationship therapists work in a trauma-informed way, with an understanding that you should not be pressured to disclose details you do not want to discuss or move more quickly than feels manageable for you.
Psychosexual therapy here focuses on the impact that traumatic or unwanted sexual experiences may be having on sex, intimacy and relationships. This might include difficulties with touch, trust, boundaries, shame, desire, arousal or feeling safe and connected during sexual experiences. It is not a substitute for specialist trauma treatment where that is needed, and your therapist can discuss whether additional trauma-focused, mental health, medical or specialist sexual violence support may be helpful alongside or instead of psychosexual therapy.
Choose a therapist and book directly through their profile. Many offer a complimentary 10-minute introductory call, shown on their profile. Sessions may be online or in person. If you are unsure whether psychosexual therapy is the right place to start, you can discuss this with the therapist.
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MUSONDA
Psychosexual Therapist & Relational Integrative Psychotherapist
- Online Only
Mon – Sat
- from £90
- from £110
Areas of support include:
- Painful sex and penetration issues
- Compulsive sexual behaviours
- Relationship communication
- Infidelity and rebuilding trust
- Consensual non-monogamy
Full areas of support on profile.
SONIA
Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist
Online/Eastbourne, BN21
Mon – Fri
- from £70
- from £80
Areas of support include:
- Painful sex and penetration issues
- Desire discrepancy in relationships
- Compulsive sexual behaviours
- Menopause and changing sexuality
- Relationship communication
Full areas of support on profile.
NARIMAN
Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist
- Online/Kings Hill, Kent, ME19
Mon – Sat
- from £90
- from £100
Areas of support include:
- Painful sex and penetration issues
- Erectile difficulties
- Premature ejaculation
- Infidelity and rebuilding trust
- Cultural influences on relationships
Full areas of support on profile.
MUSONDA
Psychosexual Therapist & Relational Integrative Psychotherapist
- Online Only
Mon – Sat
- from £90
- from £110
Areas of support include:
- Painful sex and penetration issues
- Compulsive sexual behaviours
- Relationship communication
- Infidelity and rebuilding trust
- Consensual non-monogamy
Full areas of support on profile.
MICHELLE
Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist
Online/Winchester, Hants SO23
Tue – Fri, Sun
- from £80
- from £95
Areas of support include:
- Relationship communication
- Infidelity and rebuilding trust
- Desire discrepancy in relationships
- Attachment patterns
- Anxiety affecting intimacy
Full areas of support on profile.
SONIA
Psychosexual and Relationship Therapist
Online/Eastbourne, BN21
Mon – Fri
- from £70
- from £80
Areas of support include:
- Painful sex and penetration issues
- Desire discrepancy in relationships
- Compulsive sexual behaviours
- Menopause and changing sexuality
- Relationship communication
Full areas of support on profile.
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sessions & fees
Session fees vary depending on the therapist, their experience and location.
individual therapy
From £70 per session.
couples therapy
From £90 per session.
online & in-person
Choose from online therapy across the UK or in-person appointments at selected locations. Daytime and evening availability varies by therapist.
sessions & fees
Fees vary by therapist, experience and location.
from £70
individual therapy per session.
from £90
couples therapy per session.
online + in-person
flexible appointments at selected UK locations.
sexual trauma & shame FAQs
Do I have to talk about exactly what happened?
No. You do not have to give a detailed account of a traumatic or unwanted sexual experience in order to talk about how it is affecting you now. Psychosexual therapy can focus on what you are experiencing around sex, intimacy, your body or relationships, and you can decide what you do and do not want to discuss. You should not be pressured to disclose details before you feel ready, or at all.
Can sexual trauma affect sex and intimacy years later?
It can. There is no single timeline for how an unwanted or traumatic sexual experience may affect someone. Difficulties around touch, trust, desire, arousal, intimacy or feeling safe during sexual experiences may be present soon afterwards, become more noticeable later, or change over time. You can seek support because something is affecting you now, even if the experience itself happened many years ago.
Why do I feel shame or blame myself for what happened?
Shame and self-blame can become closely connected with experiences of sexual assault, abuse, coercion or other unwanted sexual experiences. You might question how you responded, what you did or did not do, or whether you should somehow have acted differently. Therapy can give you space to explore those feelings without treating the shame you feel as evidence that you were responsible for what happened.
Can sexual trauma affect desire, arousal or orgasm?
Sexual experiences after trauma can vary considerably. Some people notice changes in desire or arousal, difficulty reaching orgasm, discomfort with particular kinds of touch or a sense of being disconnected during sex. Others may not experience these difficulties at all. Psychosexual therapy can help you explore what is happening for you without assuming there is a particular sexual response you should be having.
What if touch or sex sometimes makes me feel unsafe?
You can talk about what happens around touch, sex or intimacy and explore the situations in which you feel comfortable or uncomfortable. Therapy may involve thinking about boundaries, communication, choice and what helps you feel more in control. You will not be expected to engage in sexual activity during therapy or encouraged to push yourself into sexual situations before you feel ready.
Can I have psychosexual therapy with my partner?
Depending on your circumstances, you may choose to attend individually or as a couple. Couple work can provide space to talk about intimacy, communication, boundaries and how each of you is experiencing the relationship. It should not mean that you are expected to share details of a traumatic experience with your partner that you do not want to disclose. If you are unsure which approach feels right, you can discuss this with the therapist.
Is psychosexual therapy the same as trauma therapy?
No. The therapists featured here are psychosexual and relationship therapists who work in a trauma-informed way. Psychosexual therapy focuses on the impact that traumatic or unwanted sexual experiences may be having on sex, intimacy and relationships. It is not a substitute for specialist trauma treatment where that is needed, and a therapist can discuss with you whether another form of support may be more appropriate or useful alongside the work.
What happens in psychosexual therapy after sexual trauma?
The work will depend on what is affecting you and what you want help with. You might explore difficulties around intimacy, touch, trust, boundaries, shame, desire, arousal or feeling connected during sexual experiences. The focus can be on what is happening in your life now rather than requiring you to revisit everything that happened. The pace and direction of the work should be discussed with you and shaped around what feels manageable.
What if I am not ready to be sexually intimate again?
You do not need to be ready for sexual intimacy before starting therapy, and becoming sexually active is not a goal that should be imposed on you. Therapy can begin with whatever feels most relevant, including boundaries, shame, communication, body confidence or simply understanding how you feel about intimacy now. Any decisions about sexual activity remain yours.
When might I need specialist trauma or other support?
Psychosexual therapy may be one part of your support rather than the only support you need. If trauma is affecting your wider mental health, there are safeguarding or immediate safety concerns, you need medical care, or you would benefit from specialist support following sexual violence, another service may be more appropriate alongside or instead of psychosexual therapy. Your therapist can discuss the scope of the work with you and help you think about what additional support may be appropriate.
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