compulsive sexual behaviours

It is not simply about how often you have sex, masturbate, use pornography or think about sex. The important questions are whether the behaviour feels difficult to control, whether you repeatedly return to it despite wanting to stop or cut back, and whether it is causing significant distress or affecting relationships, work, finances or other important parts of your life. Therapy can help you look at the pattern without judging your sexuality or assuming that a high level of sexual interest is itself a problem.

No. Having a high sex drive or enjoying frequent sexual activity does not by itself mean that your behaviour is compulsive. People vary considerably in how often they think about or want sex. The concern is more about difficulty controlling the behaviour, repeated unsuccessful attempts to change a pattern, continuing despite unwanted consequences and the impact the behaviour is having on your life. Therapy should not impose somebody else's idea of how much sexual interest or activity is acceptable.

“Sex addiction” is a term some people and services use for sexual behaviour that feels difficult to control, but there is debate around the label. ICD-11 uses the term compulsive sexual behaviour disorder (CSBD). A label should not be based simply on having a high level of sexual interest or on feeling that consensual sexual behaviour conflicts with personal, cultural or moral expectations. You do not need to adopt either label before seeking support. Therapy can focus on your experience: what feels difficult to control, what keeps the pattern going, the consequences it is having and what you would like to change.

They can become part of a compulsive pattern for some people, but using pornography or masturbating frequently does not automatically mean there is a problem. You may seek support if you feel unable to control the behaviour, repeatedly spend more time on it than you intend, continue despite consequences you do not want, or find that it is interfering with relationships, work or everyday life. Therapy can help you understand the role the behaviour plays for you rather than simply labelling the behaviour itself as unhealthy.

Repeated sexual behaviour can become part of a familiar cycle, and simply deciding not to do it again may not address what keeps that cycle going. Particular emotions, situations, thoughts or experiences may increase an urge, while the behaviour itself may provide temporary relief, distraction, excitement or another function in the moment. Therapy can help you understand your own pattern, recognise it earlier and develop more choice about how you respond.

Not necessarily. There is no single goal that will be right for everyone. What you work towards will depend on your circumstances, the behaviour that is causing difficulty and what you want to change. For some people that may involve stopping a particular behaviour; for others it may mean developing greater control, changing a pattern or building a relationship with sexuality that feels more manageable and satisfying to you.

Yes. Shame and secrecy can become closely connected to compulsive sexual behaviour and may make it harder to talk about what is happening or seek support. Therapy offers a therapeutic space to discuss sexual behaviour without assuming that your sexuality or sexual interests are inherently wrong. Understanding the difference between the behaviour you want to change and your wider sexuality can be an important part of reducing shame and developing a more manageable relationship with sex.

It can. Secrecy, broken agreements or discovering sexual behaviour that a partner did not know about can have a significant impact on trust and intimacy. Therapy can help you understand the behaviour and its effect on the relationship, while creating space for communication about what has happened and what each person needs. Depending on your circumstances, therapy may be individual, couple-based or involve different forms of support rather than assuming one approach will suit everyone.

Therapy usually begins by understanding the behaviour in the context of your life rather than focusing only on how to stop it. Your therapist may explore what happens before, during and after the behaviour, situations or feelings that increase urges, previous attempts to change the pattern, its impact on relationships or everyday life, and what you would like to be different. From there, the work can help you recognise cycles earlier, develop greater choice and address issues such as shame, secrecy, intimacy and sexual wellbeing.

Sometimes other difficulties sit alongside compulsive sexual behaviour and may need their own support. These might include significant mental health difficulties, substance use, trauma or situations involving risk or safeguarding concerns. A psychosexual therapist can help you think about what is happening and, where appropriate, discuss whether support from a GP, mental health professional or another specialist service would be useful alongside therapy.